When I first met with my breast surgeon and we were going over what to expect, I wasn’t considering how treatment would affect my fertility. I thought having cancer at 25 was pretty damn bad. I thought I had enough on my plate.
Most chemo drugs damage a woman’s eggs, essentially affecting her fertility. Being the 25 year-old that I am, I’m luckier because younger woman tend to have more eggs and this gives us a higher chance to keep some fertility. Women over the age of 40 who go through chemotheraphy are more likely to enter menopause after treatment.
There are various chemo drugs that are used but of course 2 of the 3 drugs I will be on result in a medium risk of losing fertility. These two drugs are Cytoxan and Adriamycin.
Through it all, I was able to have the opportunity to freeze my eggs. This is done by giving myself hormone injections to simulate my ovaries and after 9 to 12 days, my eggs are extracted and frozen using vitrification technology. This part of my journey has been crazy. The process of egg-freezing is expensive, time consuming and emotionally exhausting. This was not what I was expecting. I was kind of blind-sided but I was able to take some valuable things away from this.
Three things I took away from all of this:
- Reach out/talk to people. Talking about fertility was very hard for me. I was sad for myself. I had come across a dental hygienist at my dental office and we were just talking about what I was going through (cancer shit) and I had brought up fertility. Well she shared with me that for years she was, and still is, having issues with trying to carry. Her husband and her have tried IVF and have had no success. And her sister has tried IVF over 10 times. My heart broke for her, and her sister, but by her sharing something intimate was wholesome and it put into perspective how lucky I am. She reminded me that I’m not alone.
- Realizing what is most important. When you think life with cancer is bad, add to it, the potential of not having a successful pregnancy, life gets scary. I have a lot to be thankful for and this has shined a light on what is the most important things in my life right now; my health, my daughter and self-care. Those three things are what I’m most concerned about when I go into my treatment.
- Regret. After I had my daughter I swore that I didn’t want to have another kid. Well… when you are faced with infertility, there are a lot of things you need to consider. Could I really go the rest of my life not having another kid? What if I decide I want to have another and I don’t do this? What if I do this, spend the money and then not even have a kid? So many thoughts ran through my head but I knew that if I didn’t give myself this opportunity, I would regret this for the rest of my life. I couldn’t close the door on this chance.
As Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” I really considered not doing egg-freezing; it was going to interrupt my vacation, you have to get monitored every other day and blood work done… it was really time consuming. Although it involved a lot, I knew that I needed and wanted to do this. It was a really tough decision to make and there have even been hiccups along the way (trigger shot to even get started, delayed start date of shots). I feel so empowered to be able to do this though. It has been life changing.
Update since I first started this post (draft form), I am a mommy to 16 embryos. Our bodies are absolutely amazing!
xx Kelsey
Tales of TNBC 