May 28th was like any other day. I woke up too damn early and marched myself to the bathroom so I could shower. As I was washing myself, my hand moved over my right breast, and I froze. I went over the lump maybe 10 times before I was like “okay, there’s really something there.” I immediately broke down in tears. I don’t think I’ve ever been that scared in my life.
I hopped out of the shower and called my mom immediately. I don’t even think I made a cohesive sentence before she said “call your obgyn and schedule with her.”
I called and they said my obgyn wasn’t available but so-so is. I obviously took the appointment because who gives a shit at this point. I just needed to know what was going on. I eventually made it to my appointment and had my breast exam. The doctor informed me she was going to send me to get an ultrasound done.
The day of my ultrasound, I was pretty nervous, but I was super optimistic. We did the ultrasound and the tech kept on saying that it looks fine, “I doubt the doctor will want you to do a mammogram.” Well wouldn’t you know, the doctor wanted to do a mammogram. So I did that and as I was waiting for the doctor to look over it, I was just hoping I didn’t have to get that dang biopsy done; that would be the next step.
The nurse comes out, calls my name, and pulls me into the room. As I sat down, I just knew he wanted to test this bad-boy (my tumor) out. I mean hell, I was only 25 and BC runs in my family. Better be safe than sorry, right? He told me it was a calcification buildup and that we need to do the biopsy.
I left the office in tears. How was I going to manage to get through the next two weeks without crying every hour? In those two weeks, I don’t think I’ve ever cried that much. But crying is okay, and sometimes we need that safe-space to let out our emotions.
Biopsy day rolled around and hell, I was so damn nervous. I did an ultra-sound needle guided biopsy which was absolute torture. Not that you can avoid breast cancer, but out of all the testing I did, that was the worse and wish I didn’t have to do that.
June 19th came and I finally got the call. I was told I have Ductal Carcinoma In Situ (DCIS). I started crying like a bitch on the phone. I mean I was really scared for my life.
This was my first diagnosis. DCIS is a non-invasive cancer that starts in the milk ducts. It is typically diagnosed as Stage 0. So although it was horrible to hear I had cancer, I was hopeful. I wouldn’t have to do chemo! I could get my bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction and close this chapter in a few short months.
After my diagnosis, I met with my breast surgeon; my appointment was a big blur. I went into auto-pilot and all I heard was “cancer.” Thank God my mom was with me because she had to repeat everything over. What my breast surgeon was concerned about was my tests were showing I was negative for progesterone and estrogen. If I would test negative for the HER2 Protein, then that would change my diagnosis.
Quick lesson: Estrogen, progesterone and HER2 Protein are the three most common receptors known to fuel breast cancer growth. Because the tumor cells lack the receptors, treatments such as hormone therapy and drugs that target these receptors are ineffective. This leaves chemotherapy as the only option for treatment. Good thing is, #TNBC sometimes responds better to chemo in earlier stages than other forms of cancer.
After meeting with her and more testing was done (CT scans, bone scans, MRI, etc.), on July 10th, I had my partial mastectomy to get the tumor out of me and to finally test it for the HER2 Protein.
Although I went into this thing being optimistic, as the weeks rolled and testing was done, my hope was fading away. Everything triggered me. I could barely talk about the “c” word without a lump forming in my throat. I was devastated and just kept asking myself “why me?” “why can’t I go a year without shit hitting the fan?”
My breast surgeon finally called me (7/17) and let me know that my diagnosis was now Triple Negative Breast Cancer. My new diagnosis was more “aggressive” and required chemo (YAY)! What was supposed to be a quick fix, turned into a treatment plan I didn’t want to face.
Chemo has been a tough pill to swallow for me but I know I’ll be okay. It will all be okay. Through everything so far, I’ve [really] learned to take one day at a time and not to worry about what’s going to happen tomorrow. (I’m still working on that, btw).
xx Kelsey
