Tag: courage

It’s Not the Same

Kelsey Reigle

And while I’ve been struggling to put my finger on what’s going on, I’m okay with whatever is going on.

I’ve been back at work for a month now after my double mastectomy and this time going back, it’s been so hard. I saw a quote the other day that said “After breast cancer, my job had not changed. I had.”

I don’t think anything has resonated so much with me in my life. WOW! My job is, or was, my dream job.

I literally remember sitting in college and said, “my dream job would be becoming a Paralegal for a state-wide nonprofit helping victims of some sort.” I have that job and man, I was on top of the world when I got it.

I don’t hate my work or what I do. It’s just hard to go back and try to pick up where I left off. I work in a profession that is fast-pace and I cannot keep up, right now. (I really wish I could). I’m on calls with survivors of sexual assault, harassment, rape, seeing if our attorneys can help them. It’s emotionally taxing, if you could even begin to imagine. Vicarious trauma is a real thing everyone.

While I’m sitting here, crying internally because I wish I could just quit my job and figure life [without cancer] out, I’m okay with this feeling. I’m not sure where I’m going. I know I’ll be finishing up my second degree at the end of the year and maybe by then I’ll find my true calling.

My love for advocacy hasn’t stopped. My love as a Paralegal hasn’t stopped. But damn has Breast Cancer made me doublethink everything.

xx Kelsey

Sex and Chemo: What Could Be So Bad? (NSFW)

Kelsey Reigle

I’m going to mark this as NSFW just because I am talking about sex.

When I was first diagnosed with Breast Cancer, I did a lot of research… like too much research.  One common theme I kept on seeing pop-up was sex during treatment, what chemo does to your sex drive, yadda yadda.  Now I have a high sex drive so for me to see this, I rolled my eyes and was like, “no way chemo is going to affect my sex drive.”

Chemo drugs actually damage nerves and muscles involved in feeling pleasure from touch or reaching orgasms.  Chemo drugs can also make sex painful if you are not properly lubricated because of the dryness.

~and the kicker~ Some chemo drugs actually put woman in a “menopausal state.”  The side effects are exactly the same as a woman going through menopause; irregular periods or none at all, damage to your ovaries, dryness of the vaginal area, tightness of your vagina walls, emotional changes, hot flashes and so forth.

I can say though that even if chemo affects your sex drive, I haven’t had issues BUT after my last round of A/C, I experienced the most painful sex, followed by small cuts around my vagina because of it being dry (and a fun visit to my OBGYN). And besides that, I’m relieved it was only that because sex is very important for the human body.  There are so many benefits.

Some of the positive affects of sex include, boosting your libido, lowers blood pressure, it counts as exercise, improves sleep and decreases stress, improves intimacy and relationships.  I’m sure I’m missing some other benefits but you get the point.  And because Cancer strips away a lot of things from you, to actually have control over something is amazing and mentally and physically, sooooooo beneficial to me, and I’m sure others who are in my position and feel the same.

If you have been recently diagnosed with cancer, please talk with your Oncologist about what chemo, radiation, surgery can do to your sex drive, if it’s important to you.  My doctor never brought it up until I did, and I don’t think it was intentionally on her part.  It’s something most people aren’t worried about but I think it’s important to understand and know what your treatment is going to do to affect all aspects of your daily life.

xx Kelsey